One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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