why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
