the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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