What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
