I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize