just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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