Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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