Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
