what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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