I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Someone signed my nipple.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
