Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
