So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
