This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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