if i can run in heels then i can drive
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
