people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I will be naked everywhere
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
