My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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