i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
