I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
