I like to think it a success when the cops are called
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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