I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
