I just made out with a guy for $7.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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