I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
