I think i peed on brittanys purse
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize