his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
