He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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