Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He kissed a someone with a penis
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
