That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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