Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
nutella sex= disaster
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
