please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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