yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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