You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
