i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
