Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
