...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
