I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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