Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
