I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
