Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
