I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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