Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
