just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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