i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
