first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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