Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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