Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
