i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize