she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
