I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
