dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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