I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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