You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I AM VODKA MAN
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
