i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
