I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize