Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
