If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
