my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
