My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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