I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
