The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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