please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
