Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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