Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
