Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize