It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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