he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
