Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize