My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
