i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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